My Beginnings

Ok, so I have to tell you how I came to live with my Meem and Peem. When I was just a baby (about a month old, Meem thinks), some jerk dumped me and my siblings into a field outside Buffalo, NY. I don't remember much before that. (Peem thinks I hatched from an alien pod. I don't know. Maybe). I got separated from my siblings, but somehow I saw this guy standing by the side of the road. So I yelled at him and he picked me up. This was my Peem's brother-in-law, Scott. He was working on a road crew. He said he saw a hawk circling the field while a big mower was mowing it and he thinks my siblings got eaten by a hawk - or run over by the mower. He looked for them but all he found was me.


I made Scott take me back to his hotel room. He didn't have any food for me to eat, so I yelled at him. I kept yelling until he took me to Agway and asked the girl what to feed a kitten. I yelled at her too. She told him the right food to get, so I know she understood what I said, even though she was just a woman. I had to stay in Scott's truck during the week while he finished working, so I got used to vehicles - I like going for rides. Riding in cars is cool. I also like watching cars go by from my tower. Cars are cool. But back to my story.


Scott finally took me home that weekend. Scott had a big, dumb dog that almost ate me. He picked me up and I fit inside his mouth. Now that was real bullshit. I didn't come to planet Earth to get eaten by a dumb dog. I came to this planet to rule over dogs.


My future Meem and Peem were visiting their hometown that weekend. Peem's sister said she had a cute kitty that she wanted to show us and walked in with me:

This is my baby picture. I was very cute.

Meem and Peem took me back to the city that they lived in to see if they could find a home for me. They tried to keep me in a laundry basket for the ride home. I didn't like that. I jumped out and curled up on my Meem's lap in the front seat. She was a woman, so she had to do what I wanted. She even covered me with a towel. I slept like the baby I was for the entire two hour ride back to their city.


They couldn't find a home for me. I guess nobody wanted a cute kitten. I've always been misunderstood. I decided that I wanted to live with Meem and Peem, so I just yelled at them until they understood my command. Being humans, they did as they were told.

I was a sweet kitten.

I don't know why no one wanted me.*

That's how my Meem and Peem got stuck with me. My alien pod landed in a field in Buffalo, I was picked up by Peem's brother-in-law, sent to Peem's sister and then given to my Peem. I love my Peem. He's a man. Men rule. It was destiny. Even though she's a woman, Meem's o.k., especially when she remembers to feed me.

(*Editor's Note- The question is left as an exercise for the reader.)